Photo A Day May Day 7 - SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES YOU

Photo A Day May Day 7 - SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES YOU

I couldn't pick just one. My boys inspire me more than anyone else on the planet living or passed on. They each have a diagnosis of ASD that is widely considered limiting. I have watched them prove every stereotype wrong. They are both loving, affectionate, friendly boys who love playing, making friends, embarking on adventures and fill people they meet with joy. It's true. I see the reaction when J enthusiastically greets everyone he sees with reckless abandon and the joy of a soul truly free of judgement even though he is judged often. I feel the warmth a shy smile or coy greeting from H brings the special people in his life he chooses to bestow his more reserved affection upon.

To go from limited communication, developmental delays and constant frustration based meltdowns only a few short years ago to becoming the happy little boys they are who enjoy birthday parties, school, preschool, camp and every other experience they take on with such gusto is nothing short of inspiring to bear witness to.

All new experiences, sensory difficulties and new people make every day more challenging for these boys but they get through it. They thrive. They conquer. Their bravery is awe inspiring. A simple social exchange such as asking a child to play, navigating playground politics or knowing the "right" thing to do in a classroom present a child with ASD with such confusion and anxiety. These boys work through it all with encouragement, support and love from me and for each other and those around them.

Never ever tell me never for any child with ASD. Don't talk about limits. My boys will NEVER be anything but limitless in their potential.

J and H.... You inspire me to always do better and be better. I watch you guys do just that every day.

Photo A Day May - FUN, BIRD, YOU

Photo A Day May Day 4 - FUN! 

Friday afternoon fun discarded to go inside for dinner and a bath now after preschool and late afternoon play. Scooter lying in wait on the driveway BUT all weekend ahead to play all day. Ah to be 4 years old.  


4 years old and playing "appropriately," freely and with typical 4 year old abandon is even better if you ask me....  I watch their play with joy.  Fun.





Photo A Day May Day 5 - BIRD

J's first foray in Karate today at a party. Is it just me or is he channeling Daniel San doing "The Crane?" Ok, it's not perfect but he wasn't trained by Mr Miyagi....  What is note worthy is that J was just another child at that party.  So was H.  Not once did I need to "explain" a diagnosis or behaviour.  Two boys at a party with 15 kids.  A new experience, new people, new place and new skills being learned every day.  


Just an everyday little boy doing his best Karate Kid moves.





Photo A Day May Day 6 - YOU (me).

Here I am... Whether crawling through shit/mud, seeing the sun after a storm, partying, loving on my lady loves (besties), raising awareness, fighting for my babies, cuddling my family or just hanging with the hubby and trying to move forward with our life after that storm mentioned above... I am always me. I make no apologies for who, what, how I am and have a firm like it or lump it policy. I swear too much, I love too much, I sing and dance badly but enthusiastically and I drink too many cocktails when I'm out with the girls. I love love love laughing and try to find an excuse to do exactly that every day and think that laughter through tears is possibly the most beautiful feeling in the entire world. 


I'm by nooooo means everyone's cup of tea. I'm ok with that. More a cup of coffee. Strong and hot (when I scrub up AND hot tempered) and sometimes wakes you up like a slap in the face. 
I am nearly comfortable in my skin for the first time in 38 years after doing an incredible amount of work on myself physically, emotionally and spiritually over the last year and even on the bad days I don't think I'd trade my life (me) for anything else as the lessons I've learned have made me rich with not cash but life and love.


I am who I am.

Photo A Day May - Something I Wore Today

I'm into my next project....  This is Photo A Day May and today's theme is Something I Wore Today.

I wore my sunglasses.  This picture is of my sunnies at sunset.

Not expensive or glamorous sunglasses.  Just my cheap sunnies that I use sometimes to cover tears as I watch the boys doing "normal" things or achieving "small" things.  There really is no such thing as "small" in my world.  Every day I wake up to the sound of one or both of the boys creeping not so quietly up the hall is HUGE!  We don't do small.  Everything they do makes me happy.  We do happy in size HUGE too.

The flip side is we can sometimes do sad in size HUGE.....  Oh how I did HUGE sad last year (check out the link if you want to cry with me).  So so sad in HUGE.  I am a bit of a crier in general.....  Not just in HUGE sad moments though.  I cry when I'm sad and I cry when I'm happy.  I cry when I'm inspired and I cry when I'm worried, anxious and tired.....

Contrary to popular belief....  I am pretty soft.  The tears are a river of feelings escaping from my soul.  I don't subscribe to "big girls don't cry."  I lean instead towards evolved girls AND boys cry when they need to....  I live a life of being open and giving with my emotions.  I think that my complete openness with my emotions has helped the boys grasp what sorting and processing theirs are (which is difficult for people with ASD).

I think by giving my boys the gift of expressing feelings and showing them how to express theirs has helped them bust down the old stereotypes.

I couldn't find two more loving little boys than my cuddly guys who tell me they love me at least daily.  Those moments bring yet more tears to my eyes of course.  Those moments are the HUGE ones I live openly for.

C.x

Photo A Day May - Skyline

Photo A Day May - Skyline

The rolling green hills leading up to the blue mountains under a blood red sky. Ah... Home sweet home.

Wide open spaces for the boys to run around and peace for all of us in this crazy house.  Serenity now.

C.x

Photo A Day Project.... Yes a new project!

I'm needing some inspiration to get the writing juices flowing.  After a month of ups and some pretty heavy downs, I'm a bit stuck for words.


In the meantime I'll be doing Fat Mum Slim's Photo A Day May......   Today's topic  is PEACE.  I asked my 6 year old to draw me PEACE.  He's developing a real interest in drawing and art.  I'm not saying he's an artistic savant by any stretch but he loves art and drawing.  It's an activity that brings HIM PEACE.  


His peace is my peace.

Enjoy.

C.xo


The list of topics are:


For those that would like some clarification, here's the list. They're open to however you want to interpret them:

1. peace {something peaceful, a peace sign etc}
2. skyline {where the sky meets land, can be buildings, the beach, forest, whatever!}
3. something you wore today {while you're wearing it or not}
4. fun! {something you do for fun - big or small}
5. bird {a bird in the sky, an ornament, a picture, a pet etc}
6. you {a self-portrait, a picture of a picture of you, your reflection in the mirror}
7. someone that inspires you {could be someone in real life, someone well-known}
8. a smell you adore {perfume, a food, flowers, anything!}
9. something you do everyday {share something from your daily routine}
10. a favourite word {a word that you love to say, write or read}
11. kitchen {can be a picture of your kitchen, something from a kitchen or a cafe kitchen etc}
12. something that makes you happy {a person, a thing, etc}
13. mum {a picture of your mum, the word mum, a mum, mother's day celebrations etc}
14. grass {the green stuff that grows on the ground etc}
15. love {something that represents love, something or someone you love}
16. what you're reading {a book, a newspaper, a blog, a sign, a note etc}
17. snack {something you're eating as a snack}
18. something you made {food, craft, a child, anything!}
19. a favourite place {a place you love being in}
20. something you can't live without {something you'd rather not go without in your life}
21. where you stand {take a photo of where you're standing}
22. pink {something pink}
23. technology {something that uses technology}
24. something new {what's something new in your life?}
25. unusual {share something a little odd or weird}
26. 12 o'clock {take a photo at noon or midnight, whatever you're doing}
27. something sweet {a candy/lolly, a cake, a person, something cute ... anything!}
28. the weather today {is it sunny, rainy, cloudy today? Shoot it!}
29. a number 
30. your personality {show us your personality in a photo, a word etc}
31. something beautiful {share something beautiful in your life} 

Autism Gratitude Project Days 15 - 30

Yep.....  I kind of got side tracked.  So typical of me.


Here's all my Autism Gratitude Project 2012 posts in abundance on one BIG post......  I'll be back later to start my new project.  A Photo A Day .......  I do LOVE a project after all. 


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 15 - I am grateful for flexibility. It's definitely NOT a given in the world of ASD. Our plans have changed today and the boys have accepted that Mummy isn't feeling up to a big day out as planned. There was a time anything "scheduled" on their weekly visual planner was written in stone and non negotiable without major meltdown and trauma to us all if things changed. Redirection, flexibility and a growing understanding that just because things haven't happened exactly as we first thought doesn't mean they won't happen at all or that their world is ending. No meltdowns at all this morning, just happy shrugs and moving on to playing Wii and hanging out in the backyard enjoying the sun. The boys know we will go out for lunch next weekend and that instead of going to a busy park to play on their scooters, they can go hell for leather on our steep, dangerous, Mummy stress provoking driveway (providing helmets are worn) which they actually prefer being the wild natured smalls they are.... Happy happy gratitude filled Sunday to all!


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 16 - I'm grateful for progress... My own. Two years ago I was a nervous wreck about sending my lad off to a sensory integration and social skills camp run by The Sensory Gym called Camp Jabiru. Seriously I WAS a NERVOUS WRECK! I was terrified and crippled with anxiety. I was hopelessly frightened that my son would hate the new experience and not cope. Turns out he coped fine and loved it. Today I dropped my oldest son AND his younger brother at Camp Jabiru and although I had some nervous moments about my younger son who is going for the first time and he is often unsure of new experiences and new people, I knew the boys were in good hands, would not only cope but THRIVE once they got there and climbed over the first hurdle of saying goodbye to me. I was right. After a huge first day at camp, the boys are home, happy and properly filthy as only little boys know how to become. A big week ahead with every day bringing a new camp adventure and I am appropriately (at least I think appropriately) teary about their budding independence and progress, I am so so soooo grateful I've learned to let go and model courage and bravery for my loves. A good day. A great day in fact. My gratitude cup overflows.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 17 - FARK I'M GRATEFUL FOR ALCOHOL. It's all I can manage being grateful for today. For real.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 18 - I am grateful for a day off. Nothing but me time today. I don't think I'd appreciate that quite so much if not for ASD. Rare and so very essential. Drama free, laughter filled day with my gals.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 - Days 19, 20 and 21 (yes, I got behind) - In line with how behind I got with my project I would like to say I'm grateful for those who make my life simple. The people who provide zero drama, pull together to help me when stress is HIGH and get stuff done. For every individual who has helped me keep things simple in a very complicated week, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am beyond grateful.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 22 - I am soooooooooooo very grateful that preschool (the best preschool in the universe BTW and needs a gratitude update of it's own before April's end)....... Anyhoo, I'm uber grateful Preschool is going back tomorrow after school holidays. I'd best not mention school as gratitude is eluding me on THAT one yet again as I watch all of J's mainstream friends return and YET AGAIN his holidays (read, my freakin working harder than ever days) are extended by 4 days due to being in the ASD class under the ASD peak body of Australia's watch (**insert swearing about paying through the nose for HOLIDAYS NOT SCHOOL DAYS)! I'll be uber grateful on Wednesday night about school going back... For now, I'm grateful to the best freaking preschool in the freaking universe for returning to work to educate my smallest small tomorrow. I'm also grateful for Pimms although I wouldn't mind the people at Pimms increasing the alcohol content just a bee's dick for me if they happen to read this...... Pimms would go from the Number 1 cup (their slogan) to the FARKING NUMBER 1 AND TOPS CUP in my view if the alcohol was a wee bit higher..... Pass me another immediately!


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 23 - Praise Jaysus I am going out soon with a few lady loves to do some volunteer work for AASG so I don't have to endure another minute of our Finley The f*cking Fire Engine DVD (on repeat ALL DAY AND ALL AFTERNOON AND LIKELY ALL NIGHT). Sooooo very grateful. This gratitude update is brought to you by respite. Our beloved respite worker shall be enduring the fire engine DVD and bless her, she will endure it with a good nature. Me....? I want to stab myself in the eyes repeatedly rather than see another episode.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 24 - I am beyond grateful for my friendship with my bestie, Vannessa. I have known Ness since high school BUT it's only over the last 4 years that we have become so completely inseparable. It also just so happens that ASD entered my life around the time Ness re-entered it after she moved to the area I live in. It certainly wasn't an easy time to become my friend as I was overwhelmed and really had nothing to give relationships as all I "did" was ASD (I still struggle with this issue as ASD is all encompassing all of the time, particularly in the early days of intervention). Vannessa has NEVER asked more of me than I can give, she ALWAYS catches me if/when I fall, she NEVER compares her life to mine or anyone else's as she completely understands we are all fighting a battle of some description and we all are just doing the best we can. She is not an ASD/special needs mum however she "gets it" and has earned the title of honorary ASD Aunty in my book. She loves my boys and look out if she thinks I've been done wrong as the girl is loyal and supportive to the ends of the universe. Outside of my immediate family and our respite worker, Vannessa is the only person I would be comfortable leaving my boys with (lucky her!) as I could walk out the door completely comfortable that she understands them, cares for them and again.... Just "gets it."  Vannessa's entire family are like my extended family and I simply love them. I am so grateful they are in our life and accept us so completely in all of our glory. An example of the phenomenal woman and parent that she is that she has raised a son who when asked if he's noticed anything "different" about the kids in our predominantly ASD/spec needs play circle of friends, he answered, "Mum, we are all just kids" and another time "Well J has lovely curly hair which is different to mine." Thank you Ness. You make it easy to be me even on the hard days. For your support over the last particularly harrowing year, I will NEVER be able to thank you enough. I love you and gratitude is just not a big enough word. 

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 25 - I am grateful that I have been part of organising 2 world experts in ASD to come together for a seminar tomorrow which will help professionals AND parents learn more about ASD and in turn help those professionals and parents also come together to implement what they learn. 18 months ago I sent an email to Colorado State University on the slight chance I could get in touch with Temple Grandin and convince her to do a seminar for The Autism & Aspergers Support Group Inc - Sydney. She responded. (I've framed that email and I hang it on my fridge to read often). I couldn't convince her to travel down under as she doesn't travel anymore BUT she agreed to work with AASG and do a video link for us. Somewhere in that time frame we (the volunteer committee of AASG) thought to ourselves, why not get Professor Tony Attwood to present too and turn this into a major 2 day conference event? It shouldn't be too hard to find a venue, organise AV, sell tickets, advertise it, raise money to pay for it (a LOT of money) and pull together 2 world experts on opposite sides of the world between our paid jobs, family lives, housework (well that one doesn't really apply to me), sleepless nights, meltdowns (and they weren't all from our children but that might just have been me)..... Volunteers. Just a few volunteers with a shared interest, passion and drive to make a difference.... A very small group of passionate volunteers totally dedicated to improving the outcomes of our children with ASD and the lives of other families living the same "story" as us is about to pull off the most massive undertaking our tiny in size but huge in heart charity has ever attempted. I've had a sneak peek at our Temple video presentation (I'm allowed, I'm the president of the charity! LOL) where she answers our individual questions and I also hear from my off-sider coordinator, that Tony is settled in at his hotel and can't wait to do our seminar tomorrow. I've almost moved past stress and into excited. If not for autism, I might never have heard of Temple Grandin. Now I have heard of Temple Grandin she is quite literally my hero and a light in the lives of families living with autism worldwide. I am grateful for inspirational visionaries like Temple who give me hope. No not hope..... Absolute certainty that my boys WILL BE FULFILLED, HAPPY AND AMAZING. So grateful on so many levels. Tomorrow and Friday will be AWESOME!

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 26 - I am grateful for all the help and support from the AASG team today at Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin. I AM BEYOND EXHAUSTED. Very early night and ready to do it all again tomorrow. I'm also really grateful for the amazingly positive feedback after a very stressful couple of weeks leading up to the seminar. Much love to everyone who has been kind enough to say thanks or give praise for the job the little charity that could has done. Xoxo

Nearly missed Day 27 of my autism gratitude project! I am so grateful I have the strength to learn the lesson and let it go.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 28 - I am grateful for cuddles. Stuff the stereotype! My boys LOVE cuddles with Mummy.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 29 - I am grateful for the lesson I learned to put myself FIRST now. For months I've been working on my health and fitness (body and mind). I used to be constantly sick. Remember the tonsilitis for 5 years? Yes really. I had tonsilitis for 5 years and also developed a thyroid condition that involves the big C word but is under control for now. I believe this was partially due to me mistaking "helping" others for me becoming a sponge and soaking up their pain with a desire to take it away from them or clean it up for them. A giant event happened in my own life that left no room for my "sponge" to soak up anything else. I learned cleaning up is sometimes not possible but moving on, through and up is. My journey on my physical transformation really helped my mind clear and my heart heal. I got strong physically and mentally (still working on emotionally but was making progress). I developed a bit of Teflon coating instead of the porous sponge I've been walking around as for so long. I thought Teflon was making me hard and I've been uncomfortable with it on some levels as my nature has always been to help. How could I help if I've developed this harder coating? I've been distracted for a few weeks. I started to slip... I've put myself last again. No gym for a few weeks, no meditation, no positive affirmations and only considering others needs again. A chink in the Teflon appeared. The old trusty sponge resurfaced and I've taken a huge beating mentally plus emotionally. NOW the physical signs have come along as I wasn't listening to the emotional ones. I'm sick. Miserably sick right now. Coldsore, sore throat, a level of exhaustion I remember well from the "good old constantly sick days." The old feeling of powerlessness and with it self doubt. Ok.. I'm listening. I think it's ok to have a strong coating to protect myself. Teflon can still be warm and share that warmth with others needing it but the crud (negativity) should just be able to slide right off when I am at my strongest. I realize there is always the possibility of getting burnt but am developing just enough coating to remain warm and let others clean up for themselves. It's not my job. My job for right now is to rest. Rest my body and mind until I am well again and the positive energy returns to take me back to my happy place of newly found fitness. When I am fit in my mind, heart and body I am strong. For now I'm resting though. So grateful I know I need to.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 30! On the last day of ASD awareness month I am so very grateful for all the people in the entire disability/carer community who proved that one voice no matter how small can always find another voice to shout out with them and create change. The NDIS was announced today and it is a momentous achievement for all those who have "made it real." With eternal gratitude. THANK YOU campaigners, carers and brave Australians raising YOUR voices and for making sure that soon every Australian will count. This month has had it's ups and downs and some days I found finding a "thing" during the day to be grateful about incredibly difficult because it's easy to lose focus of the big picture sometimes when the every day little things (once you put them in perspective over time) get in the way. It's pretty special to end on a high note and have the fortitude to go away and reflect on the low notes so that the lessons in those might even give me something to be grateful in the future. For now, I am grateful for my boys in all their quirky complexity and grateful I got to be their Mummy. Thanks to J and H. You make me grateful EVERY day whether during awareness months or not. The end. (Until April 2013). 

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 11

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 11 - I am grateful for improved sleep patterns over the last year or so. The boys are so much better regulated after years of sensory integration therapy AND very strict routines around bedtimes. I went approx 3 years without a full night's sleep and my health was shocking (sleep was just one contributor to that).

Pretty much since the diagnosis of J, I battled ill health.  It's common that after a trauma (diagnosis) your body shows physical signs through ill health of what you are experiencing emotionally.  All of my sickness was concentrated around my throat area and whether it's just because I'm a bit of a hippy at heart or because it's true, I don't think it's a coincidence that the area of my body responsible for my voice was most severely affected with health problems.  It's like I was physically choking and literally silenced as I sunk further into losing myself and concentrated only on others.  I had tonsillitis for 4 years.  Yes.  4 years.  I was on antibiotics that entire time which was NOT helping my health in other areas but seemed to keep the bouts of tonsillitis at bay for a week until the next attack. Eventually I had my tonsils taken out and I haven't had a sore throat since.  Around the tonsillectomy I also found a lump in my throat.  That turned out to be, after further investigation, one of several tumours on my thyroid. So adding to my tonsil issue we could now add a Cancer scare to the mix of an already stressed out household (Cancer under control for now BTW).  If you are a regular reader of this blog you will know all about my "misery loves company" period of personal devastation (you'll have to read the link if you have any hope of keeping up).  Misery entered and kept my partner company around the "Cancer scare period."  (Noice).  Because I'm so tired today and not feeling too Zen, peace, love and mung beans in hippy fashion about anything much, I'll allow myself a little snipe about THAT and say, I wonder how "Misery" sleeps these days knowing about the timing of her actions.......?  Anyhoo, in with anger and out with love and all that hippy jazz and some mutterings about forgiveness and getting back to gratitude not ATTITUDE already....  Why am I so tired today if my boys sleep patterns are improved you might ask?


Last night my littlest small was very sick with Asthma and I had my old "normal" of under 3 hours of broken sleep whilst tending to him and supplying Mummy cuddles. Frankly, I don't know how I survived without sleep for so long. It's true. It's a form of torture to be deprived of it. 


So many families don't get any quality sleep in the world of ASD. It's incredibly common for our kids to be bouncing off the walls 24/7 and for parents to be experiencing sleep deprivation for years and years (studies showing living with ASD yields stress rates equal to that of soldiers in combat, physical health becoming very poor, depression rates soaring to being HIGH, divorce rate soaring even HIGHER.... Ummm YOU do the maths and a study around THOSE issues to show how integral RESPITE is for ASD family survival instead of doing pointless "cause" studies about fatty boom bah mummas being the cause of their babies developing autism.....  Now I wasn't hefty until AFTER autism but now I'm thin again due in some part to "the misery loves company period" being partially the motivation to get my thin on, so I should maybe be grateful to "Misery" for that one day too....  Hmmm.....  Not today though, nope, "Misery" if you are reading as you told me when I met you that you do read my blog (that meeting is a whole other blog story, I'll save for another day)....  NOT GRATEFUL TO YOU TODAY, NOT YET....  **Sincere apologies to my beautiful supportive friends who have been coaching me on being peace, love and mung beans about all things in the universe including the "misery loves company period."  I'm calling in my right to slip on the "letting it go thing" today though because I'M SOOOOOOO VERY VERY EXHAUSTED. 


Ironically, "Misery" told me all about her own exhaustion and depression ("Misery" is also an ASD Mum... yes you read that right.... and probably deserves some compassion I guess..... yes, you also read THAT right).  She told me about her depression and exhaustion during our meeting and I think she might have been using it as an excuse for the seeking of company.....  Jesus! (Sorry J and all Christians for using the big guy's name in vain)...  Anyway, JESUS! In this state of sleep deprivation, I couldn't drum up the energy to schlepp down the hall, let alone embark on a deceitful and family destroying adventure of escapism and IMMENSE SELFISH STUPIDITY.  Shit.  Sorry again lovely support network mung bean friends.  I'm done now, I promise.  I'll curb the "Misery" sledging immediately and go do a mung bean approved Zen like activity such as meditation or something, although that might send me to bloody sleep and I don't have time yet until the lads are in bed at their VERY STRICT BEDTIME!  Sob!


I digress in my sleep deprived snitchiness and bitchiness yet I wondered why my stray bloke found some misery filled company if THIS is what I was like without sleep for sooooooo freaking long?  Duh!  Things are back on track now....  Or at least we are very much trying to get "there" wherever "there" is in this crazy little thing called love (and sleep).  The writing was on the wall a loooong time ago that things were headed for a catastrophe to eventually clean up if I'm to be honest though.  Whilst being devastated is totally understandable, I shouldn't have been too surprised if we go back a little way and read about the tenuous state things were in to get where they got last year).  


So anyhoo, today as I sit here very very weary and just a tad grumpy (can you tell?) I can see how much sleep means.


I will never take it for granted again that my boys are (at least for now) very regulated in their sleep patterns. I am so (insert strong expletive here) grateful for usually good sleep patterns. You've NO (insert strong expletive here) IDEA!

I am yawning constantly, full of bitchy sledges, nodding off whilst trying to feign any kind of interest in kids cartoons to nurture the sick small and snapping at EVERYONE today but I'm grateful DAMN IT!  OK?!?!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

This picture was chosen especially for my dear friend....  "Betty"

I've started a Facebook Page for The Blog... Eeek!

Well....  The blog was in danger of being shut down.  Not THIS blog.  The other one I used to write that was attached to my previous business.  I love writing though so I started this blog instead to keep up my writing and to continue telling stories of fun, love and hope in ASD land.  I had massive writers block for a while.  I had loads of things go very very wrong there for a while.....  Maybe read THIS if you need more info on THAT.

Anyhoo...  I think I still might tentatively want to say out loud that one of these days I'll write a book.  The blog posts may or may not be a part of that but I think they probably will be at least "inspiration" for what will hopefully become a real life, proper book type thing one day.

In the meantime, I guess I should try and build some demand.  You know, an audience who might beg me or even just ask me occasionally to write more so my easily shattered writing confidence is propped up, nurtured and encouraged.

Social Media is apparently the key in all of this.  Now I know I'm a total Facebook junkie.  I'm a slave to the bloody thing.  My fb family is like an extension of my actual family so it makes sense to shamelessly self promote my possible, upcoming at some stage in the future......  Book thingo that started with a blog.

The fb page can be found here!  

Do feel free to stroke my delicate ego and "like" me.  I love being "liked."

C.xo

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 8 (Parts 1 & 2)

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 8 (Part 1) - I am grateful for finding HECIS (Hawkesbury Early Childhood Intervention Service) 4 years ago when I had just an inkling something was "up" with my boy. They started me on a journey of terrifying but liberating discovery and HELP! I've never looked back as I worked out early on hiding Jackson's reality and diagnosis doesn't help him. Embracing it means embracing HIM and then later Hunter too as his reality emerged around a year or so later.

So no secrecy, denial or pretending from us. Our family lives with Autism and we are proud of both boys in all their quirky spectrum glory. Accepting it is what it is so early opened our family up to receive amazing help from services. HECIS was first and I know how to write a social story for any occasion thanks to them, The Sensory Gym was next and I know how to keep my children's nervous systems as regulated as possible which reduces anxiety and risk of sensory overload in any situation. Then came speech therapy, Lifestart, Relationship Development Intervention and a life changing course by Sensory Tools to further help regulation and communication. Along came ABI (Autism Behaviour Intervention) once my boys and I had a firm understanding of their sensory issues.

Once regulated in themselves we used the ABI behaviour philosophy to implement positive behaviour techniques. Understanding how to combine all I've learned along the way was the key. This all brought confidence that allows us participate in nearly any situation sort of "normally." Yep.. I'm grateful I didn't hide away, deny or dwell on autism being a "label." Embracing ASD opened up opportunities to HELP my children and look at how far they have come! I am grateful to every therapist and service who has had a positive impact on our lives. Thanks to YOU we do the "impossible" everyday.

We are off to tackle the Easter Show with our social story, sensory integration strategies and positive behaviour techniques. Go us! xoxo

  

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 day 8 (Part 2) - On the way out of The Royal Easter Show (Sydney) that our family attempted today armed with an autism arsenal of tricks and strategies, I asked, "Did you have a wonderful day boys?"

J full of bouncing exuberance:  "I HAD AN AMAZINGLY AWESOME DAY MUMMY!"

H in usual understated fashion: "It was vewy vewy cool Marm. But what was YOUR sort of day dat you had at the show Marm and Daddy?"

I answered, "I had a happy happy day with you boys."

Andrew answered, "I had a FANTASTIC day."

H:  "See. Vewy vewy cool. It was dist vewy vewy cool."

Couldn't agree more. Not one meltdown. Not one tear. Just well behaved and grateful boys who loved it all ending in carrying an exhausted but happy H out nearly asleep (and who is very very heavy these days)!

There was a time last year when I thought family outings were not to be in our future.  I am grateful that our family cheats the odds continually (and always will no matter what) and I never get tired of catching myself in a moment where I realise....  I'm a part of the exact family I dreamed of.   

I'm grateful in absolute abundance today.

AWESOME

 

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 7

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 7 - I am grateful for tomorrow. On a bad day it's always there and provides hope when I am otherwise feeling a little hopeless.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 6

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 6  


I am grateful for the sadness of diagnosis. Strange yes? Well...... It made my heart "bigger." I remember being devastated when son number 1 was diagnosed. Panic stricken, bereft and lost. From there, the only way was up, even when son number 2 also received a diagnosis. EVERY milestone has a little more joy attached to it than it would have before, EVERY hug has a little more love to it than anyone could ever dream possible, EVERY word has a little more meaning behind it..... EVERYTHING has just a bit more to it when once you were faced (however ignorantly at the time) with the prospect of nothing but heartache. 


If not for that incredible low, I would not be living with such utterly description defying joy in EVERY moment of the "little" things. I experience EVERYTHING a little "bigger" now thanks to my bigger heart..... Granted, some of the sad things are a little bigger too but the pay off is that the happy things found in other folks "boring" and routine are nothing short of AWESOME in my house. Watching J sing and dance with pure joy and total abandon completely oblivious that he's "different" with friends at a school assembly last week = AWESOME (and a few big tears from me). Seeing H wear a pair of bunny ears, hold hands with a friend and walk a path for the Easter hat parade at preschool like all the other kids = AWESOME (and a few big tears from me again).


I am grateful I learned the lesson in heartache. It makes happy so much bigger. :-)

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 5

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 5 - I am grateful for my sister, who loves my boys like her own and has never put pressure on me to ring her more, spend more time with her or do anything more than I've been capable of doing during the storm of autism for the last 4ish years. She's been there without judgement or expectations and has never ever asked more of what I can give emotionally or in any other kind of capacity which has been pretty much zero in honesty. She's stood by me during difficult times and has been supportive, understanding and patient when those difficult times have resulted in my own meltdowns and caused tension throughout our family. She babysits when she can which provides respite and sanity saving time for me. I also must include my brother in law, in this declaration of gratitude. I rarely actually describe him as my brother in law but more often than not, my brother. Recently, I hit rock bottom with life "events" and although I didn't call on my sister and brother (in law) all that much, I knew they were there and always will be. They let me know I could call on them and that was enough. To have the security of knowing there are people on my side who don't push, don't judge, don't NEED anything from me is very comforting to a person who is often called upon by others who NEED me in some capacity. 


Jenny and Paul know I am fresh out of anything much to give right now and they don't care. They love me regardless and let me know through their support that it's ok I can't give anything right now (or for a while longer). They know I am not too capable of "helping" others right now and that the desire to do so has been knocked out of me. They also know I'm not doing to well with the loss of my "help gene" and they make me feel ok about it whilst all I do is help myself and my boys for a while longer. We haven't had lengthy discussions or deep and meaningfuls about any of this but the point is, I just know. No matter what happens, no matter how low I could ever get, no matter what, Jenny and Paul will be my quietly supportive "go to" guys regardless of whatever storm is happening in their own lives.

That's pretty special and I'm so very very grateful.

PS: The boys LOVE Aunty Jenny and Uncle Pauly to the moon, the stars and back too.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 4

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 4  

I am grateful that my perspective has been altered by autism. Material possessions are nothing to me anymore. Whilst financial security would be lovely I'm sure, it pales in comparison to emotional security. Our savings are gone, our possessions are few and our life is stripped back bare. Underneath all of that I found purpose, perspective and most of all love. My boys do not understand nor do they care that the roof under which they live is rented. Most important to them is that it's our home and in that home is me. I was here for every word, every step, every difficult moment of frustration, every night terror, every developmental assessment, every meltdown, every therapy, every milestone, every success whether big or small, everything. My choices may not be for everyone but they were definitely the best ones for me. I am grateful I made THOSE choices early on to forget the "stuff" and focus on the future as the future is very bright for my boys with me on their side!

Autism Gratitude Project Day 3

Originally posted on my previous blog: http://myspecialstorybooks.blogspot.com/ 3 April 2012

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 3

I am grateful that autism has redefined my preconceived notions of what strength means. I once believed I had to do everything on my own and asking for help was a sign of my weakness or failure. Although I have broad shoulders (metaphorically at least), I reached a point recently where the weight of life events (autism contributed indirectly) was just far too much to bear. I sought help from family/friends/trusted members of my autism support group (in other words my whole "autism family") and in addition to that help I sought counseling from the Salvation Army Counseling Service. I would NEVER have freely or publicly admitted that in the past and it was to my own detriment. Needing help is no longer a source of shame or what I previously would have considered a chink in my armor. It's the complete opposite. Putting my hand up tentatively for help prevented me from sure drowning and STRENGTHENS my armor every day. Although there is pretty much always a battle somewhere in my life, I know I have that strong armor, the "weapon" of a voice not only willing to speak out in advocacy but now speak up in need too and an army of support surrounding me. If not for autism, entering my life and the events following it's rambunctious entrance, over the last however many years, I'm not sure I would have ever realised whispering, asking or shouting for help sometimes is not only what makes us human, but sometimes takes superhuman STRENGTH. For the ability to ask for help and the realisation it's available to me in abundance, I am grateful.