I am grateful for the sadness of diagnosis. Strange yes? Well...... It made my heart "bigger." I remember being devastated when son number 1 was diagnosed. Panic stricken, bereft and lost. From there, the only way was up, even when son number 2 also received a diagnosis. EVERY milestone has a little more joy attached to it than it would have before, EVERY hug has a little more love to it than anyone could ever dream possible, EVERY word has a little more meaning behind it..... EVERYTHING has just a bit more to it when once you were faced (however ignorantly at the time) with the prospect of nothing but heartache.
If not for that incredible low, I would not be living with such utterly description defying joy in EVERY moment of the "little" things. I experience EVERYTHING a little "bigger" now thanks to my bigger heart..... Granted, some of the sad things are a little bigger too but the pay off is that the happy things found in other folks "boring" and routine are nothing short of AWESOME in my house. Watching J sing and dance with pure joy and total abandon completely oblivious that he's "different" with friends at a school assembly last week = AWESOME (and a few big tears from me). Seeing H wear a pair of bunny ears, hold hands with a friend and walk a path for the Easter hat parade at preschool like all the other kids = AWESOME (and a few big tears from me again).
I am grateful I learned the lesson in heartache. It makes happy so much bigger. :-)
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