Autism Gratitude Project Days 15 - 30

Yep.....  I kind of got side tracked.  So typical of me.


Here's all my Autism Gratitude Project 2012 posts in abundance on one BIG post......  I'll be back later to start my new project.  A Photo A Day .......  I do LOVE a project after all. 


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 15 - I am grateful for flexibility. It's definitely NOT a given in the world of ASD. Our plans have changed today and the boys have accepted that Mummy isn't feeling up to a big day out as planned. There was a time anything "scheduled" on their weekly visual planner was written in stone and non negotiable without major meltdown and trauma to us all if things changed. Redirection, flexibility and a growing understanding that just because things haven't happened exactly as we first thought doesn't mean they won't happen at all or that their world is ending. No meltdowns at all this morning, just happy shrugs and moving on to playing Wii and hanging out in the backyard enjoying the sun. The boys know we will go out for lunch next weekend and that instead of going to a busy park to play on their scooters, they can go hell for leather on our steep, dangerous, Mummy stress provoking driveway (providing helmets are worn) which they actually prefer being the wild natured smalls they are.... Happy happy gratitude filled Sunday to all!


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 16 - I'm grateful for progress... My own. Two years ago I was a nervous wreck about sending my lad off to a sensory integration and social skills camp run by The Sensory Gym called Camp Jabiru. Seriously I WAS a NERVOUS WRECK! I was terrified and crippled with anxiety. I was hopelessly frightened that my son would hate the new experience and not cope. Turns out he coped fine and loved it. Today I dropped my oldest son AND his younger brother at Camp Jabiru and although I had some nervous moments about my younger son who is going for the first time and he is often unsure of new experiences and new people, I knew the boys were in good hands, would not only cope but THRIVE once they got there and climbed over the first hurdle of saying goodbye to me. I was right. After a huge first day at camp, the boys are home, happy and properly filthy as only little boys know how to become. A big week ahead with every day bringing a new camp adventure and I am appropriately (at least I think appropriately) teary about their budding independence and progress, I am so so soooo grateful I've learned to let go and model courage and bravery for my loves. A good day. A great day in fact. My gratitude cup overflows.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 17 - FARK I'M GRATEFUL FOR ALCOHOL. It's all I can manage being grateful for today. For real.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 18 - I am grateful for a day off. Nothing but me time today. I don't think I'd appreciate that quite so much if not for ASD. Rare and so very essential. Drama free, laughter filled day with my gals.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 - Days 19, 20 and 21 (yes, I got behind) - In line with how behind I got with my project I would like to say I'm grateful for those who make my life simple. The people who provide zero drama, pull together to help me when stress is HIGH and get stuff done. For every individual who has helped me keep things simple in a very complicated week, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am beyond grateful.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 22 - I am soooooooooooo very grateful that preschool (the best preschool in the universe BTW and needs a gratitude update of it's own before April's end)....... Anyhoo, I'm uber grateful Preschool is going back tomorrow after school holidays. I'd best not mention school as gratitude is eluding me on THAT one yet again as I watch all of J's mainstream friends return and YET AGAIN his holidays (read, my freakin working harder than ever days) are extended by 4 days due to being in the ASD class under the ASD peak body of Australia's watch (**insert swearing about paying through the nose for HOLIDAYS NOT SCHOOL DAYS)! I'll be uber grateful on Wednesday night about school going back... For now, I'm grateful to the best freaking preschool in the freaking universe for returning to work to educate my smallest small tomorrow. I'm also grateful for Pimms although I wouldn't mind the people at Pimms increasing the alcohol content just a bee's dick for me if they happen to read this...... Pimms would go from the Number 1 cup (their slogan) to the FARKING NUMBER 1 AND TOPS CUP in my view if the alcohol was a wee bit higher..... Pass me another immediately!


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 23 - Praise Jaysus I am going out soon with a few lady loves to do some volunteer work for AASG so I don't have to endure another minute of our Finley The f*cking Fire Engine DVD (on repeat ALL DAY AND ALL AFTERNOON AND LIKELY ALL NIGHT). Sooooo very grateful. This gratitude update is brought to you by respite. Our beloved respite worker shall be enduring the fire engine DVD and bless her, she will endure it with a good nature. Me....? I want to stab myself in the eyes repeatedly rather than see another episode.


Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 24 - I am beyond grateful for my friendship with my bestie, Vannessa. I have known Ness since high school BUT it's only over the last 4 years that we have become so completely inseparable. It also just so happens that ASD entered my life around the time Ness re-entered it after she moved to the area I live in. It certainly wasn't an easy time to become my friend as I was overwhelmed and really had nothing to give relationships as all I "did" was ASD (I still struggle with this issue as ASD is all encompassing all of the time, particularly in the early days of intervention). Vannessa has NEVER asked more of me than I can give, she ALWAYS catches me if/when I fall, she NEVER compares her life to mine or anyone else's as she completely understands we are all fighting a battle of some description and we all are just doing the best we can. She is not an ASD/special needs mum however she "gets it" and has earned the title of honorary ASD Aunty in my book. She loves my boys and look out if she thinks I've been done wrong as the girl is loyal and supportive to the ends of the universe. Outside of my immediate family and our respite worker, Vannessa is the only person I would be comfortable leaving my boys with (lucky her!) as I could walk out the door completely comfortable that she understands them, cares for them and again.... Just "gets it."  Vannessa's entire family are like my extended family and I simply love them. I am so grateful they are in our life and accept us so completely in all of our glory. An example of the phenomenal woman and parent that she is that she has raised a son who when asked if he's noticed anything "different" about the kids in our predominantly ASD/spec needs play circle of friends, he answered, "Mum, we are all just kids" and another time "Well J has lovely curly hair which is different to mine." Thank you Ness. You make it easy to be me even on the hard days. For your support over the last particularly harrowing year, I will NEVER be able to thank you enough. I love you and gratitude is just not a big enough word. 

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 25 - I am grateful that I have been part of organising 2 world experts in ASD to come together for a seminar tomorrow which will help professionals AND parents learn more about ASD and in turn help those professionals and parents also come together to implement what they learn. 18 months ago I sent an email to Colorado State University on the slight chance I could get in touch with Temple Grandin and convince her to do a seminar for The Autism & Aspergers Support Group Inc - Sydney. She responded. (I've framed that email and I hang it on my fridge to read often). I couldn't convince her to travel down under as she doesn't travel anymore BUT she agreed to work with AASG and do a video link for us. Somewhere in that time frame we (the volunteer committee of AASG) thought to ourselves, why not get Professor Tony Attwood to present too and turn this into a major 2 day conference event? It shouldn't be too hard to find a venue, organise AV, sell tickets, advertise it, raise money to pay for it (a LOT of money) and pull together 2 world experts on opposite sides of the world between our paid jobs, family lives, housework (well that one doesn't really apply to me), sleepless nights, meltdowns (and they weren't all from our children but that might just have been me)..... Volunteers. Just a few volunteers with a shared interest, passion and drive to make a difference.... A very small group of passionate volunteers totally dedicated to improving the outcomes of our children with ASD and the lives of other families living the same "story" as us is about to pull off the most massive undertaking our tiny in size but huge in heart charity has ever attempted. I've had a sneak peek at our Temple video presentation (I'm allowed, I'm the president of the charity! LOL) where she answers our individual questions and I also hear from my off-sider coordinator, that Tony is settled in at his hotel and can't wait to do our seminar tomorrow. I've almost moved past stress and into excited. If not for autism, I might never have heard of Temple Grandin. Now I have heard of Temple Grandin she is quite literally my hero and a light in the lives of families living with autism worldwide. I am grateful for inspirational visionaries like Temple who give me hope. No not hope..... Absolute certainty that my boys WILL BE FULFILLED, HAPPY AND AMAZING. So grateful on so many levels. Tomorrow and Friday will be AWESOME!

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 26 - I am grateful for all the help and support from the AASG team today at Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin. I AM BEYOND EXHAUSTED. Very early night and ready to do it all again tomorrow. I'm also really grateful for the amazingly positive feedback after a very stressful couple of weeks leading up to the seminar. Much love to everyone who has been kind enough to say thanks or give praise for the job the little charity that could has done. Xoxo

Nearly missed Day 27 of my autism gratitude project! I am so grateful I have the strength to learn the lesson and let it go.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 28 - I am grateful for cuddles. Stuff the stereotype! My boys LOVE cuddles with Mummy.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 29 - I am grateful for the lesson I learned to put myself FIRST now. For months I've been working on my health and fitness (body and mind). I used to be constantly sick. Remember the tonsilitis for 5 years? Yes really. I had tonsilitis for 5 years and also developed a thyroid condition that involves the big C word but is under control for now. I believe this was partially due to me mistaking "helping" others for me becoming a sponge and soaking up their pain with a desire to take it away from them or clean it up for them. A giant event happened in my own life that left no room for my "sponge" to soak up anything else. I learned cleaning up is sometimes not possible but moving on, through and up is. My journey on my physical transformation really helped my mind clear and my heart heal. I got strong physically and mentally (still working on emotionally but was making progress). I developed a bit of Teflon coating instead of the porous sponge I've been walking around as for so long. I thought Teflon was making me hard and I've been uncomfortable with it on some levels as my nature has always been to help. How could I help if I've developed this harder coating? I've been distracted for a few weeks. I started to slip... I've put myself last again. No gym for a few weeks, no meditation, no positive affirmations and only considering others needs again. A chink in the Teflon appeared. The old trusty sponge resurfaced and I've taken a huge beating mentally plus emotionally. NOW the physical signs have come along as I wasn't listening to the emotional ones. I'm sick. Miserably sick right now. Coldsore, sore throat, a level of exhaustion I remember well from the "good old constantly sick days." The old feeling of powerlessness and with it self doubt. Ok.. I'm listening. I think it's ok to have a strong coating to protect myself. Teflon can still be warm and share that warmth with others needing it but the crud (negativity) should just be able to slide right off when I am at my strongest. I realize there is always the possibility of getting burnt but am developing just enough coating to remain warm and let others clean up for themselves. It's not my job. My job for right now is to rest. Rest my body and mind until I am well again and the positive energy returns to take me back to my happy place of newly found fitness. When I am fit in my mind, heart and body I am strong. For now I'm resting though. So grateful I know I need to.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 30! On the last day of ASD awareness month I am so very grateful for all the people in the entire disability/carer community who proved that one voice no matter how small can always find another voice to shout out with them and create change. The NDIS was announced today and it is a momentous achievement for all those who have "made it real." With eternal gratitude. THANK YOU campaigners, carers and brave Australians raising YOUR voices and for making sure that soon every Australian will count. This month has had it's ups and downs and some days I found finding a "thing" during the day to be grateful about incredibly difficult because it's easy to lose focus of the big picture sometimes when the every day little things (once you put them in perspective over time) get in the way. It's pretty special to end on a high note and have the fortitude to go away and reflect on the low notes so that the lessons in those might even give me something to be grateful in the future. For now, I am grateful for my boys in all their quirky complexity and grateful I got to be their Mummy. Thanks to J and H. You make me grateful EVERY day whether during awareness months or not. The end. (Until April 2013). 

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 14

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 14 - I am grateful for boundaries. My kids thrive and respond well to boundaries being set. It helps them work out what is expected/required from situations that would otherwise confuse them and see lines being blurred and confusion about exactly what they need to do. They understand that acceptable behaviour at the park, in the back yard and whilst wrestling with their therapists at The Sensory Gym might not be quite the same as what is ok at school, visiting someones house or in church (that one is J specific... See here for a post explaining THAT special interest). 

It makes all aspects of life so much easier for them (and me) after I say, "These are the rules whilst we are HERE doing THIS." They don't get it 100% right 100% of the time but it is a handy redirection tool when I need it and does in fact work most of the time. It's hard for people with ASD to understand how social situations work and what is expected so we've worked on boundary setting from very early on.  I'm so grateful the boys are capable of transferring their understanding of boundaries from one situation to another (with help and support).


I'm grateful for a much more peaceful life because of clear boundaries and expectations.......  Well at least in my family life with regards to the boys.........

The rest of my life needs a complete overhaul in this area.  I've made myself accessible to many through volunteering for my favourite charity for the last three years.  I've extended myself beyond what is simply "acceptable" in many ways and have stretched myself way too thin by not setting clear boundaries around what is OK for people to ask of me and what is perhaps taking advantage or interfering with MY time.  It's really nobody's fault but my own.  I have the disease to please and an inability to clearly say no.  I say yes to things I'm not comfortable doing and end up resenting it.  It's so annoying and I constantly kick myself for taking time away from ME and my family because I said yes to something less important to me but more important to someone else.  I've made tentative steps in this area at least.  I no longer answer my phone to ANY numbers I don't recognise, nor do I give my number out to anyone but "real life friends" as it was not unusual to receive several calls per week from people seeking counselling I am not qualified (or currently strong enough) to give.  All charity calls are now directed to the actual charity NOT to me.  

Because I've been so open I've created a situation where people have mistaken generosity with my time for a no holds barred ticket to full access into my life.  Further to that, I've been relaxed about the boundaries between what is an unspoken line between friendship, fun and frivolity and what is a serious responsibility to an organisation that has elected me to make decisions that may or may NOT be popular sometimes and acting upon them definitely not desirable within the boundaries (or lack thereof) of friendship.  I have failed to draw clear lines on many occasions because I don't like to be "bad cop."

The autism world is a minefield of politics.  The autism CHARITY world is even more so.  In my time in this world of "helping others", I've had my motives questioned by people with no real clue about who I am and what I stand for, I've had several encounters with people who disagree with decisions I've had a part in making about how we move forward as an organisation, I've faced and taken a HELLUVA lot of criticism and I've given so much of my time that I have brought myself to the brink of burnout.  I would also like to think though that maybe I've made even a tiny bit of difference to even one person struggling in a similar world to mine.  Then the other "stuff" might be worth putting up with (I'm at a crossroads about continuing as a volunteer right now you see).

Over the last few weeks, I've failed to draw clear lines between "business" (charity business) and pleasure (friendship).  In the process I became "bad cop."  I don't like it.  Again though, it's my own fault.  I did not delegate bad cop to anyone, I took it on to spare others who would more than likely dislike being the "bad guy" as much as I do.  However, because I didn't ask anyone else to carry out the more formal role of managing business in this situation, I don't really know if that's true.  Maybe every person available to me in my extensive support network would have happily taken the load on anything I asked if I had in fact asked.  I did not set crystal clear boundaries between what is my role as the president of an organisation and what is the daily, natural and relaxed exchange between friends.  Because my lines were not painted in black and white in this crazy thing called life, I'm now frustrated by "feelings" being brought into a transaction that if not for friendship being involved would be straight forward with expectations either being met or not met.  It's not an isolated incident.  I'm a serial offender.  There has not been a work/business situation EVER that I've set clear boundaries between being friends, colleagues or adversaries.  I constantly make the same mistake and try to be "popular."  I distinctly remember managing my family cafe business in my mid twenties and could not bring myself to ask the casual employees to do the bin cleaning duty within their agreed job descriptions because I was mortified for them to have to do such a vile job.  I took the "popular and cool down to earth boss" option instead of the managerial responsibility and I cleaned the filthy stinking festering bins myself.  Then I went out (after a long hot shower to clean off the stink) with my employees every Friday night for very very social fun filled drinks.  Popularity and being "liked" by my employees was more desirable to me than being an effective leader and delegating fairly and properly in relation to the management structure or being clear about what was expected of them in THEIR role for the job they were commissioned to do.

It works.  For a while.  Then I have to put my "boss" hat on or my "disgruntled employee" hat or even my "client" hat on and deliver what must seem like a blow out of nowhere from a "friend."  So again I find myself in a stinking mess of festering rubbish, tricky politics and necessary clean up if I am to resolve either the business relationship and/or the friendship.  This brings me to my crossroads in "hanging in there" in charity world knowing that having the top job is not always all that tops (particularly when you have to be the actual bad guy boss however well or not well you try to do it in a friendly fashion under your many confusing hats).....

As I sit here and contemplate how exceedingly well I've managed to teach my children boundaries for every situation they currently need to adhere to them in, I must also contemplate why I allow myself to put short term social "likeability" before long term respect and effective business dealings (whether charitable or not).

What has this got to do with autism?  EVERYTHING.  An autism diagnosis when it first arrived in my world was all about impaired social development (I thought).  I was completely stuck on how terrible I thought it would be to have the wonderful world (to me anyway) of friendship, social acceptance and relationships of all kinds being so confusing or even inaccessible for my kids.  There is nothing more valuable to ME than friendship and love.  I get now that all that is my own "stuff" and my feelings about friendship being the be all and end all might not be everyone else's idea of what the meaning of life is.  I see now that the boys like having friends but may or may not be as socially motivated in their life decisions as me and that's their choice.  Whatever floats your own boat and all that jazz.

I do still strive to make my children's reality different to the stereotype of loneliness and isolation within a world of social confusion though so they do have options.  I help them set those clear boundaries in all aspects of life and it really seems to be helping them.  I just might be the epitome of that old adage that those who can DO and those who can't TEACH.  EEEKS!

If I could just learn the lessons I'm trying to pass on and dig my way out of the festering stench of garbage right now I might be better qualified to impart those lessons to the boys as they grow up and I might be able to salvage some of this "waste" into a an improved way of relating made from recycled traditions (like the drinks on Friday nights) and also some new materials like clearer boundaries and expectations.

Not sure how to go about it yet and I need some time to process, assess and regroup before I make any big moves or attempts at doing a clean up on a mess I'm not sure of what the magnitude is yet.  I don't have a lot of excess digging strength right now but hopefully soon I'll be calling in the whole clean up crew to give me a hand in the mop up and they accept by grabbing a broom, a mop, a shovel or even a ratty old rag to wipe with.

For my boys at least, I remain grateful for boundaries.  I hope to be able to say the same for me by at least NEXT year's Gratitude Project.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 12

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 12 - I am grateful for play. Not "play therapy" but real, natural, child's play. Something I wasn't sure I'd see back in the beginning stages of diagnosis days and maybe something I wouldn't have seen if not for all the "play therapy" we have done for so many years BUT something I see all the time now. Caught up with some friends and their kiddies this morn (some spectrumites, some not) and all the kids played their hearts out. There was no need to shadow the kids and "help" them take turns properly or demonstrate how the toys work and how the game goes and so on. They all just played. 

I was able to just sit and watch the boys play with their friends and they occasionally moved off to regroup and have some alone time but before long they were rushing back into all the games and boyish tomfoolery (oh how I've always wanted to use that word...  It's just so delightfully silly and descriptively fabulous)........

I even commented at one point, "So THIS is what a "normal" playdate feels like."  I wonder how many other mums have been able to just sit and watch their kids play without the pressure of being a much maligned "helicopter" parent, always watching their child's every move in case you need to step in, explain "behaviours" and "help."  I wonder if the parents who have never had to be that ridiculed and maligned helicopter parent realise how special that is and how the "dull" moments at the park or on a playdate are the monumentally "huge" moments in my life.


The simple act of sitting and being in the space with other mums and having a conversation whilst the kids played was so refreshing, recharging and so so needed.  I could sit with my closest girlfriends and laugh freely and also take the time to talk about the bigger "stuff" on my mind...  Like how angry I get with myself for not just "being over it."  The "it" I'm trying to "just be over" is the "misery loves company period" and it hits me out of the blue without warning and no matter how many "good days" I have I know I'll still have bad ones.  I "just want to be over it."  Have it finished already and MOVE ON freely without ever turning back to feel the pain.  It's not possible.  I know that.  It will take as long as it takes and I'll have to cope with being brought to my knees every so often without warning for a while longer.  I knew in that moment, talking with those friends whilst the kids played, it's ok though.  I have these friends to hold me in those moments and let them pass.  I have this support at my fingertips when the times are good or bad.  I'm not isolated anymore.  I can draw on the playdate moments where I recharge with the strength my friends provide with their never ending patience and judgement free ears, shoulders, hearts and arms.  Having an opportunity to just talk, be secure with the people I was sharing the "dull" but huge moments with is not something that is easy to understand unless those moments are huge for you too.


I can enjoy a playdate with my boys playing happily and whilst sitting in the safety of those I choose to have in my world who love and support me and my boys as their kids play too.


I am grateful for play.

Autism Gratitude Project Day 10

Autism Gratitude Project  Day 10 - I am grateful for the sense of humour I already had that has only increased over the last 4ish years.... I've really really needed it to see the funny side of things.

Right now, my lovely big boy J has a new special interest.  His special interest is in Jesus.  I am an agnostic and even lean towards being a fully fledged Atheist some days.  Last time I walked into a church, the roof started to collapse.  Serious.  It's a true story.  I walked in and parts of the roof fell down and I was only there for a weight watchers meeting!

Every single person I've told about J's new interest has laughed out loud for real.  Some have even snorted and I'm sure I saw snot fly out of one of my friend's noses during my tale of pinning up religious posters in the house to keep the holier than thou  lad happy (I'm more a shirtless Jon Bon Jovi poster kind of girl really).

Then there is the story of my son praying for me because I exclaimed in a very supportive manner that I thought his drawing of Jesus on the cross (pictured above) was "lovely" and he misunderstood to think I meant it was lovely poor Jesus was up there to begin with (I really don't think THAT'S lovely, I simply appreciate my son's artistic talent at the ripe old age of 6).

J has been especially "good" of late and behaviour is nothing short of Angelic for the most part.  I asked him why he was being such an especially good boy and his very studious answer was that he went to church at school and Jesus now helps him be good all of the time.

I definitely recall writing his religion as "NONE" on our school application to Aspect yet we find ourselves in the hearts and hands of the lovely folks in the Catholic Education Office as J's satellite Aspect class is in a host Catholic school (so the Easter week lead up was pretty full on for my Jesus loving lad).

As my son explained his thoughts to me about Jesus dying on the cross (which the bad guys bought from Bunnings apparently as they also did the nails that put him up there) and as I tried valiantly to answer with any form of authority, his questions about the crooks next to Jesus on their crosses perhaps being crooks from Lego City (I do think my answer of no, they were not the same crooks as the ones in Lego city was correct even with my limited Bible knowledge), I thought to myself.....  "This is some funny shit."  No really it is. 

Whether it is Karma, God getting me back for being so wicked in my early 20's (ok....  pretty much all my life) or whether it's just hilarious freaking irony that the staunch Atheist......  Ummmm yeah, I sugar coated it above...  It's not just some days I lean toward Atheism, I really am an Atheist. There, I said it.  I have immense respect for all religions I simply choose to subscribe to none.....  Don't judge me, I don't dig judgement at all.  I dig free choice and making informed or passionate decisions right for each individual including my son who seems to be making a different one to me and that folks, is HIS choice if I practice what I preach.  

So anyway, it is ironically funny that the Atheist has a very Holy child to answer to now in addition to several Christian friends, all praying for my conversion and a Catholic Mum (well at least Catholic at Christmas and definitely when she dies, as I've been instructed to get her a priest when that eventually happens) who laments where she went wrong with my religious instruction at least weekly.

Even I can see the funny side of this special interest and I'm grateful I am laughing because the thought of tackling the "big religious belief system" thing with a 6 year old Autie with VERY different ideas to his mother kind of makes me anxious between the giggles.

I'll be taking him to the library during the school holidays to borrow books about several different religions (Islam, Hindu, Aboriginal Dreamtime, Wican, Jehovah's Witness, Bon Jovi...  Oh shit, sorry, that's just mine)  so he does get a broader perspective on what's available to choose from but whatever he decides in the long run is HIS choice and I reserve the right to giggle ignorantly, foolishly or nervously and hang onto my wicked sense of humour through it all.

For free choice and a sense of humour to keep me laughing....  I'm grateful.  Peace be with YOU.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 9

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 9 - I am grateful for "brotherly love." The lads often squabble like street fighters, wrestle as though they are in the pro league and compete in sibling rivalry over literally EVERYTHING. However they also share their toys with each other less than consistently but more than rarely and the brother who rises first ALWAYS springs out of bed to immediately rouse the still sleeping brother with an enthusiastic "good morning" everyday as their first order of business. 


They argue in the car, wind each other up, poke, pinch and make faces at each other when I'm not looking, dob incessantly and usually think the OTHER brother is getting a better deal in all areas of life all of the time causing boggin loads of mother guilt for me..... BUT they miss each other all day whilst J is at school, sneak a hug and kiss in when they think nobody is watching and look out for each other wherever we are whatever we do. They love one another and have the special bond of brothers forever.


I am grateful they will always have each other.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 8 (Parts 1 & 2)

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 8 (Part 1) - I am grateful for finding HECIS (Hawkesbury Early Childhood Intervention Service) 4 years ago when I had just an inkling something was "up" with my boy. They started me on a journey of terrifying but liberating discovery and HELP! I've never looked back as I worked out early on hiding Jackson's reality and diagnosis doesn't help him. Embracing it means embracing HIM and then later Hunter too as his reality emerged around a year or so later.

So no secrecy, denial or pretending from us. Our family lives with Autism and we are proud of both boys in all their quirky spectrum glory. Accepting it is what it is so early opened our family up to receive amazing help from services. HECIS was first and I know how to write a social story for any occasion thanks to them, The Sensory Gym was next and I know how to keep my children's nervous systems as regulated as possible which reduces anxiety and risk of sensory overload in any situation. Then came speech therapy, Lifestart, Relationship Development Intervention and a life changing course by Sensory Tools to further help regulation and communication. Along came ABI (Autism Behaviour Intervention) once my boys and I had a firm understanding of their sensory issues.

Once regulated in themselves we used the ABI behaviour philosophy to implement positive behaviour techniques. Understanding how to combine all I've learned along the way was the key. This all brought confidence that allows us participate in nearly any situation sort of "normally." Yep.. I'm grateful I didn't hide away, deny or dwell on autism being a "label." Embracing ASD opened up opportunities to HELP my children and look at how far they have come! I am grateful to every therapist and service who has had a positive impact on our lives. Thanks to YOU we do the "impossible" everyday.

We are off to tackle the Easter Show with our social story, sensory integration strategies and positive behaviour techniques. Go us! xoxo

  

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 day 8 (Part 2) - On the way out of The Royal Easter Show (Sydney) that our family attempted today armed with an autism arsenal of tricks and strategies, I asked, "Did you have a wonderful day boys?"

J full of bouncing exuberance:  "I HAD AN AMAZINGLY AWESOME DAY MUMMY!"

H in usual understated fashion: "It was vewy vewy cool Marm. But what was YOUR sort of day dat you had at the show Marm and Daddy?"

I answered, "I had a happy happy day with you boys."

Andrew answered, "I had a FANTASTIC day."

H:  "See. Vewy vewy cool. It was dist vewy vewy cool."

Couldn't agree more. Not one meltdown. Not one tear. Just well behaved and grateful boys who loved it all ending in carrying an exhausted but happy H out nearly asleep (and who is very very heavy these days)!

There was a time last year when I thought family outings were not to be in our future.  I am grateful that our family cheats the odds continually (and always will no matter what) and I never get tired of catching myself in a moment where I realise....  I'm a part of the exact family I dreamed of.   

I'm grateful in absolute abundance today.

AWESOME

 

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 7

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 7 - I am grateful for tomorrow. On a bad day it's always there and provides hope when I am otherwise feeling a little hopeless.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 6

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 6  


I am grateful for the sadness of diagnosis. Strange yes? Well...... It made my heart "bigger." I remember being devastated when son number 1 was diagnosed. Panic stricken, bereft and lost. From there, the only way was up, even when son number 2 also received a diagnosis. EVERY milestone has a little more joy attached to it than it would have before, EVERY hug has a little more love to it than anyone could ever dream possible, EVERY word has a little more meaning behind it..... EVERYTHING has just a bit more to it when once you were faced (however ignorantly at the time) with the prospect of nothing but heartache. 


If not for that incredible low, I would not be living with such utterly description defying joy in EVERY moment of the "little" things. I experience EVERYTHING a little "bigger" now thanks to my bigger heart..... Granted, some of the sad things are a little bigger too but the pay off is that the happy things found in other folks "boring" and routine are nothing short of AWESOME in my house. Watching J sing and dance with pure joy and total abandon completely oblivious that he's "different" with friends at a school assembly last week = AWESOME (and a few big tears from me). Seeing H wear a pair of bunny ears, hold hands with a friend and walk a path for the Easter hat parade at preschool like all the other kids = AWESOME (and a few big tears from me again).


I am grateful I learned the lesson in heartache. It makes happy so much bigger. :-)

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 5

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 5 - I am grateful for my sister, who loves my boys like her own and has never put pressure on me to ring her more, spend more time with her or do anything more than I've been capable of doing during the storm of autism for the last 4ish years. She's been there without judgement or expectations and has never ever asked more of what I can give emotionally or in any other kind of capacity which has been pretty much zero in honesty. She's stood by me during difficult times and has been supportive, understanding and patient when those difficult times have resulted in my own meltdowns and caused tension throughout our family. She babysits when she can which provides respite and sanity saving time for me. I also must include my brother in law, in this declaration of gratitude. I rarely actually describe him as my brother in law but more often than not, my brother. Recently, I hit rock bottom with life "events" and although I didn't call on my sister and brother (in law) all that much, I knew they were there and always will be. They let me know I could call on them and that was enough. To have the security of knowing there are people on my side who don't push, don't judge, don't NEED anything from me is very comforting to a person who is often called upon by others who NEED me in some capacity. 


Jenny and Paul know I am fresh out of anything much to give right now and they don't care. They love me regardless and let me know through their support that it's ok I can't give anything right now (or for a while longer). They know I am not too capable of "helping" others right now and that the desire to do so has been knocked out of me. They also know I'm not doing to well with the loss of my "help gene" and they make me feel ok about it whilst all I do is help myself and my boys for a while longer. We haven't had lengthy discussions or deep and meaningfuls about any of this but the point is, I just know. No matter what happens, no matter how low I could ever get, no matter what, Jenny and Paul will be my quietly supportive "go to" guys regardless of whatever storm is happening in their own lives.

That's pretty special and I'm so very very grateful.

PS: The boys LOVE Aunty Jenny and Uncle Pauly to the moon, the stars and back too.

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 4

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 4  

I am grateful that my perspective has been altered by autism. Material possessions are nothing to me anymore. Whilst financial security would be lovely I'm sure, it pales in comparison to emotional security. Our savings are gone, our possessions are few and our life is stripped back bare. Underneath all of that I found purpose, perspective and most of all love. My boys do not understand nor do they care that the roof under which they live is rented. Most important to them is that it's our home and in that home is me. I was here for every word, every step, every difficult moment of frustration, every night terror, every developmental assessment, every meltdown, every therapy, every milestone, every success whether big or small, everything. My choices may not be for everyone but they were definitely the best ones for me. I am grateful I made THOSE choices early on to forget the "stuff" and focus on the future as the future is very bright for my boys with me on their side!

Autism Gratitude Project Day 3

Originally posted on my previous blog: http://myspecialstorybooks.blogspot.com/ 3 April 2012

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 3

I am grateful that autism has redefined my preconceived notions of what strength means. I once believed I had to do everything on my own and asking for help was a sign of my weakness or failure. Although I have broad shoulders (metaphorically at least), I reached a point recently where the weight of life events (autism contributed indirectly) was just far too much to bear. I sought help from family/friends/trusted members of my autism support group (in other words my whole "autism family") and in addition to that help I sought counseling from the Salvation Army Counseling Service. I would NEVER have freely or publicly admitted that in the past and it was to my own detriment. Needing help is no longer a source of shame or what I previously would have considered a chink in my armor. It's the complete opposite. Putting my hand up tentatively for help prevented me from sure drowning and STRENGTHENS my armor every day. Although there is pretty much always a battle somewhere in my life, I know I have that strong armor, the "weapon" of a voice not only willing to speak out in advocacy but now speak up in need too and an army of support surrounding me. If not for autism, entering my life and the events following it's rambunctious entrance, over the last however many years, I'm not sure I would have ever realised whispering, asking or shouting for help sometimes is not only what makes us human, but sometimes takes superhuman STRENGTH. For the ability to ask for help and the realisation it's available to me in abundance, I am grateful.

HAPPY WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY!

Originally posted on my previous blog: http://myspecialstorybooks.blogspot.com/ 2 April 2012

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 Day 2 - HAPPY WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY! 

I am grateful for my beautiful boys, J and H. Today on this special day which celebrates them in all of their wonderful quirkiness and delightful difference AND also on every other day of their lives, I am beyond grateful for them. My dream was to have children. To become a Mum. My dream came true twice. Simple. I am fulfilled, proud, amazed, joyful, overwhelmed, awe struck, drunk with love, fiercely protective, unafraid to FIGHT, unapologetic in my drive to beat a path of AWESOME for their lives and ALL LIT UP BLUE inside and out in gratitude for J and H. They complete me and make me better than I could have ever dreamed of being. In short. I love them to the moon and back, past the stars, through the whole universe and over the great blue yonder beyond any limits. My love is limitless and so are their lives now and forever. SO VERY VERY GRATEFUL. xoxoxoxoxo

♥ Chantelle

The Autism Gratitude Project 2012

Originally posted on my previous blog: http://myspecialstorybooks.blogspot.com/ 1 April 2012

For the last two years I've joined a lovely facebook in friend doing an Autism Gratitude Project during April to mark Autism Awareness Month....  I have had one HELLUVA year since last year's gratitude project and after the near demise of my marriage AND near demise of me (see this post for further info on THAT), in large part due to the stress of autism, it would be easy to focus on all the negative things that autism has brought into my life.

I am going to do The Autism Gratitude Project again this year though as it just might be what I need to remind me of all the wonderful things are in my life also in large part due to autism and to maybe even see that the near demise is indeed something to be grateful for one day as it's my hope that the events that damn near broke me will eventually be the step in my journey that strengthened my stride into unbreakable.

So on the day before Autism Awareness Month officially started I marked my gratitude by acknowledging that I'm grateful the above statement reads, NEAR demise on both counts and not ACTUAL demise..... Small but significant steps are being made to move further away from any kind of demise every day. 

Here we go though, it is now April 1st and that means Autism Awareness Month is officially underway.

Happy Autism Awareness Month and please join us on facebook or post below in my comments section if you prefer or maybe just write a journal for yourself but why not join those of us who choose to see the gifts of autism by stating one thing you are grateful or each day during April because autism entered your world.  It can be a positive thought, a happy/flappy story, anything.  I'll start......

Autism Gratitude Project 2012 - Day 1: I am absolutely filled with gratitude to be surrounded by the love and support of some truly remarkable people I've met through autism. The real everyday heroes who literally change the world through their tenacious courage to advocate and constantly fight for their children but who's cup is never running so empty that they can't offer a drink of love and support to their friends fighting beside them. Bravo to my amazingly brave, brilliant, talented and exhausted friends who give a new definition to the word strength. I am grateful for each and every one of you who I would never have met if not for entering this different world of autism/additional needs. You know who you are and each and every one of you raise me up.

Much love to all of those in my world who inspire each other and me.